Shelter for Aylin Read online

  Turning on his side, he matched her posture, propping his head up with his hand. “Why would you say that? I think with your positive energy and the way you support the people around you, you’d be an amazing teacher.”

  She gave him a sweet smile before giving her head a resolute shake. “My mom says I roll right over people with my energy sometimes. Like one of those bulldozers at a construction site. Need something smushed? Call Aylin! I’d just,” she made an attempt at a rumbling sound, “flatten everything in my path.” A moment passed and then she jumped right back in. “I’m like a human tornado, clearing whole fields and cities!”

  “I think you’re blowing things out of proportion. I’ve never seen you like that.”

  She sat up a little more and folded her legs off to the side. “That’s because you haven’t spent enough time with me to get to the crazy stuff.”

  He had to keep his mouth shut and think about his words. His instinct was to tell her that he’d like that. Even worse, that he wanted that. He was already treading on thin ice having her alone in his apartment.

  “I don’t think it takes all that much time to know that you’re a great person. Everyone at the station knows it.”

  “Everyone at the station,” she shot back, “has my dad for a boss.”

  “Okay,” he dropped his chin and gave her a look, “you know that’s not true.”

  The look she gave him made him laugh.

  And her laughter wasn’t far behind. “Yeah, a whole family of hot guys that treat me like a sister! Oh, joy!” She groaned and waved off the idea. “Never mind. That’s not why I’m here.”

  Good. He barely held back his own thought that there was at least one guy at the fire station that didn’t think of her as a sister. That was the furthest thing from his mind.

  “I wanted to ask you what you think of Warren’s sister, Lissa.”

  He froze instantaneously. Warning bells and flashing lights in his head told him to wait and see where she was going, but he had to say something. “Lissa? Uh, what do you mean?”

  “I mean... What do you think about her?” When he remained silent for a moment, she forged on. “What’s your impression of her?”

  Still not really giving him a direction to go in, but he knew he needed to say something. “She’s nice.”

  “Why are you so hesitant?” She tilted her head to look at him almost straight on. “I’m curious. Really! I was talking to her on the phone today and she mentioned that one of her roommates is moving back to Dallas. She wanted to know if I wanted to move in with them.”

  Ah. Okay. “What’s the apartment like?”

  Aylin hesitated. “Well, that’s the thing. I haven’t seen it yet, but they said it’s three bedrooms and one bathroom. I admit I’ve been spoiled since we moved in with dad. I’ve got my own bathroom next to my bedroom on the ground floor. Moving into an apartment with two other women might be a bit of a crunch.” She kept rolling. “I don’t wear a lot of make-up or spend a lot of time on my hair, but the idea of having to work out a time to use the tub if I want a soak, or heaven forbid if I need to... um, well you know.”

  He nodded. Yeah. When you need to go... you need to go.

  “What are the good things about moving in with them?”

  “Ah,” she gave him a wink, “the PROS to go with the CONS. It’s a block from the main campus of the school and that means I could roll out of bed, and if I don’t have to fight anyone for the bathroom, I would be there in ten minutes.”

  “And how far is the house from the school?”

  She took a moment to think about it. “When I went down to take the tour, it took about a half hour using some of the backroads. I haven’t made the run with any traffic yet.”

  He nodded. “And what do your parents think about it?”

  Stillman watched her hesitate before she answered.

  “I haven’t asked them about it, yet.” She gave him a soft smile. “I wanted to ask you first. You have your own place, and this is the first time I’d be away from my mom. I don’t want to tell Lissa and her friend that I’m worried because I’ve always lived with my mom.” Aylin’s eyes filled with tears. “That sounds so stupid, doesn’t it?”

  He used an arm as leverage to sit up on the futon bed. He still felt the ache in his back, but she needed his help more than he needed to stretch out.

  Reaching out to her, his fingertips trailed down her forearm for a few inches before he dropped his hand back down at his side. “Why would it be stupid? Not everyone can afford to move out on their own when they want to. You and your mother were working together on her business. You were both working long hours and you were in school. Why would anyone look down on what you were doing?” He knew the answer to that. He knew how judgmental people could be with others. He’d experienced his share of it growing up.

  It was one thing to tell yourself not to let it affect you. You can only tell yourself to just ‘let it go’ so many times before it got under your skin. People telling you to ‘brush it off’ didn’t help either. When you’re constantly faced with people who think they know you at a glance, you build up as thick of a skin as you can, but it rankles and you can only tamp it down so long before it bursts out.

  He’d learned his lesson early in life, but that didn’t mean it was any easier to deal with judgmental people.

  “Have you met Lissa’s other roommate yet?”

  She nodded and gave him a hesitant smile. “We had coffee together with Lissa. It wasn’t an instant friendship, but I know better than to expect that. It just felt... odd. Lissa’s down to earth and easy going, but Kat has that perfect cheerleader thing going for her.”

  Stillman couldn’t quite grasp the idea. “Cheerleader thing?”

  Laughing, Aylin sighed. “You know. The perfect hair, perfect complexion, really upbeat and perky. Cheerleader.”

  He still didn’t quite get it and he could tell it was frustrating Aylin a little. So, he tried another tact. “Sounds like you.”

  Her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and she gaped at him. “What?

  Realizing he was on thin ice, Stillman tried to think through his words a second time as he spoke. “All of those things that you mentioned, you have those. You’re upbeat and you’re always trying to make everyone feel better. That’s perky, right?”

  He could tell by the look that she gave him that he’d managed to wear down the edge of his sin, but she had that ‘bless your heart,’ look that his grandmama used when someone lost their mind.

  “Well, if you’ve got second thoughts, maybe you should wait.”

  Her shoulders sagged a little. “Yeah, I was thinking that too. I guess, I just want to have that ‘normal’ college experience, even though my situation isn’t normal at all. That’s one of the things that kind of stung when we were talking at lunch. Kat was talking about this bar they like to go to, and she narrowed her eyes at me. At first, I thought I had something on my face, but then just asked me if I had a fake ID so I could go with them. And then I told Kat that I wasn’t big on going to bars, but if I wanted to, I’d wait until I was legal. Besides, it wouldn’t be that long of a wait.” Aylin’s smile flagged a bit. “She just stared at me. ‘Wow. Lissa said that you just graduated from high school!’”

  Stillman shook his head. “I’m sure Lissa had something to say.”

  Aylin grinned. “She told Kat to drop it, but I’m not sure it’s going to work out for the three of us. It might be a straight up no if I can’t get a job that pays me enough to afford my part of the rent and all the stuff I need for my classes.” Looking up at him, Aylin’s eyes swam with tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I came over here to waste your time talking about something I probably can’t even afford.”

  “Don’t.” He couldn’t stand to see her upset. “Don’t apologize to me. You don’t need to. If you need to talk. I’m here. If you need to bounce ideas off someone, I’m available. I’m here for you, Aylin. That’s never going to change.”

&n
bsp; Before he could remind himself what a bad idea it was to get this close to Aylin Blaise, he doubled down on his bad decisions.

  “Come here.”

  He shifted on the bed and he opened his arms. Before he took another breath, he had her in his embrace. Tucked up against his chest, nestled in close against his body, Aylin didn’t so much wrap herself around him, but rather she tucked into him.

  Stillman was more than happy to have her there. Comforting her felt right. It felt good. And the more relaxed she got in his arms, the better he felt too. All of that exhaustion that he’d felt after his shift was gone.

  With her cheek against his shoulder he felt like a conquering hero. A knight protecting his lady. A knight. His work crew would laugh. He was a ‘Rook’ after all. Still, a castle could do an even better job of protecting people.

  “I should be careful.”

  He heard her voice and braced himself for... something. “What do you mean?”

  “This is too cozy, you know,” she almost yawned as she snuggled closer, “I might just fall asleep.”

  He laughed at that and felt her stir in his embrace.

  “Vibrations.” Her laughter was music to his ears.

  “Are they good vibrations?” He said the joke and realized how it might sound, so he struggled for something to say to make his words seem less of a double entendre. “Like the Beach Boys, right?”

  Oh, Hail Mary pass received!

  “See?” She lifted her head and settled it higher on his shoulder. “Sounds like I’m rubbing off on you.”

  All of that work on his part to avoid the double meaning and then her own innocent comment slammed into him like a car through a red light. He was out of his league with Aylin Blaise.

  And he really needed to distract himself. “Do you mind if I ask you a question about the other day?”

  She let out a quiet breath. “You mean about the coffee shop?”

  He nodded. “I was pretty sure you weren’t going to talk to your parents about it even after I was gone.”

  Stillman sat quietly and realized when he felt a little movement against him that she was touching the edge of his t-shirt sleeve with her fingertips.

  “You know I didn’t.”

  “It should go without saying that I think you should, but until you make that decision, do you want to talk to me about it?”

  He felt her shake her head and he gently tucked her closer against his chest. “What if I said it would make me feel better if you let me ask you some questions about it?”

  He could feel her hesitation as she thought about it.

  “There might be something that I don’t want to say... or answer.”

  “That’s fine. I just want to help.”

  He let out a relieved breath that she hadn’t completely shut him down. He didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, but he also didn’t want to be in the dark. If she wasn’t talking to her mother or the Chief, he was hoping he could get enough information so that he could help.

  “When I saw you, I could tell you were upset. How did he know you were going to be there?”

  He felt her hand smooth its way down his arm and back up to his elbow. “I don’t know. No, that’s not true.”

  Stillman tensed as she made the admission.

  Aylin sat up and turned a little, looking up into his eyes. “I don’t know what to say, Still. I don’t know if what he said was true. I don’t know him well enough to know that and I don’t want to know him well enough. I don’t want him in my life.”

  “But it feels like he wants back into yours? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “He said something about wanting to take care of his family. We’re not his family. I don’t think he ever cared about us at all, so none of this makes any sense. One second I was waiting in line, trying to figure out what to text you that wouldn’t sound like I was a complete idiot and then he was leaning in over my shoulder talking to me like he wasn’t responsible somehow for that fire that I almost died in. He’s just a big phony as far as I’m concerned, and I don’t understand what he thought he could get out of just showing up at a coffee shop.

  “Did he think I’d just be so excited that he thinks he cares about us? Does he even understand what it felt like watching my mom stress for years about how to take care of us? How to put food on the table? A roof over our heads? And he’d been living this amazing life that he ruined because of his own greed and desperation?”

  Stillman smoothed his hand up and down her back, gently using his fingertips along her spine as he tried to soothe her short, punctuated breaths. “It’s not fair,” he confirmed. “Not to you and not to your mother. What he did was turn his back on both of you. That can’t be easy to know and harder to see. I wish you didn’t know all of that.”

  “Me, too.” She made a soft huff of sound that he felt roll through her body.

  “You’re over eighteen,” he started. “He doesn’t have any legal rights to you at all.”

  “Thank god for small favors,” she grumbled the words, but he could hear some laughter in her tone.

  She was even more amazing for that bit of bravado.

  “Do you think he’s going to try to see you again?”

  He swore he could feel her thoughts. By his count, she’d almost answered his question three times before she actually said a word.

  “I think that Craig Dennis is going to do what he’s going to do. If he tries to see me again, I’m going to tell him exactly where to step off and then walk away.”

  “Are you sure he’s going to let you do that?”

  Again, he felt her tense. When she looked up into his eyes, he saw her hesitation.

  “What do you mean?”

  “It means to protect yourself. Keep a physical distance between you. Don’t meet him in a private place if he asks you to go with him. I don’t know this man from Job,” he explained, “but I know how uncomfortable you felt when he was around.”

  She blew out an audible breath. “It was instinct,” she explained. “It wasn’t like the fire which happened because of someone he was associated with, but knowing that he was involved somehow... I don’t know how to get over that. Or if I will be able to.”

  “I think somewhere in your heart you want to forgive him.” He felt her tense, but this time, he didn’t try to pull her closer. He didn’t want her to feel trapped. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you,” he explained, “but I think you’re a person with a big, big heart and I’ve never seen you turn anyone away when it came to giving people love. Craig was a Class-A idiot to stay out of your life, but I bet that deep down inside your heart, you wanted his love. And it still hurts that he hasn’t given it to you.”

  Aylin stayed still in his arms, so still that he wasn’t even sure she was breathing.

  He wanted to blurt out an apology or ask to take it all back, but he remained silent, waiting... hoping he didn’t cross the line with her.

  “I’ve been so mad.” He felt her draw in a sharp breath. “I’ve been so pissed off.”

  Leaning forward, he placed a gentle kiss on the crown of her head.

  “My mom did everything she could to make me happy. She scrimped and saved, and I know it killed her to ask me to help with the catering jobs because she didn’t want to make me feel like I had to, but I wanted to.

  “I wanted to give her something back for everything she did. I wanted her to know how much I loved her. But you’re right. I wanted him to love me, even just a little bit, but I never said a thing to my mom. I didn’t want her to think that I felt something for him when all he ever did was hurt her. How messed up do I have to be to want his love when he’s... when he’s...”

  He felt her crumbling and he turned her in his arms.

  He heard the sharp intake of her breath and felt the rapid-fire beat of her heart through his chest. She wrapped herself around him, arms and legs, squeezing him tight as she cried.

  Stillman didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to ea
se her guilt and her worry, but he knew he could tell her something with absolute conviction. “You’re loved, Aylin. Your family, your friends, we all love you.” It was a long time before her tears subsided, but even after they did, he still held her close.

  And Aylin? She finally eased the hold she had on him and laid her head on his shoulder with a sigh.

  He could tell by the way her body settled against him that she was as exhausted as he was.

  “Still?”

  He loved that nickname that she gave him. The only person in his life who called him that and he didn’t want anyone else to use it.

  “Yeah?” He gently combed his fingers through her mass of curly hair, gently massaging her scalp.

  She shifted again and he felt her breath on his neck, the soft caress of her tears against his skin. She drew in another breath and almost hummed it out. Aylin was probably just about to drift off to sleep, so he held her carefully against him.

  Aylin lifted her hand and set her palm and fingers against the side of his neck before stroking his skin a few times.

  Stillman knew it was only a few moments before she fell completely asleep in his arms.

  Another breath, another hum, and as she settled back against his chest, she murmured softly against his skin. “I love you, too.”

  Chapter 4

  Aylin was beginning to regret moving in with Lissa and Kat. Oh, it wasn’t Lissa that was the problem. She was amazing. A good friend. A gentle and gracious soul. And that’s what made Kat as frustrating as she was. She was self-centered. Brittle. And it wasn’t a matter of wondering what she really thought when she said something. Just take whatever nice thing you could hear her saying and flip it around.

  Ugh.

  Aylin’s head hung down until her chin almost met her chest. She’d almost broken down and confessed her feelings to her mother when she was helping her with dinner on Sunday. Her mother had been holding up more than her half of the conversation while they were doing the prep for the meal. Even breaking out photos of Squirrel, Blythe, and their daughter Harper. “Sweetie? What’s going on?”